Control

I’ve been reflecting quite a bit on the #metoo movement, where men and women are calling for an end to sexual harassment and abuse. And about time too.

I know both sexes can be accused of being perpetrators in this and although I wouldn’t wish to take sides, I am siding with women more so. Why?

I’m not sure, maybe I sense that they haven’t had a voice and haven’t been heard, they’ve been afraid that they wouldn’t be believed and that their stories would be ignored.

There are days when I feel embarrassed to be a man, I am truly angry and disgusted to think that my fellow man has had it within himself to carry out these crimes against women. I sense the pain that women are going or have gone through and I wish I could do something to help and stop it happening.

Unfortunately the truth is that it carries on every single day and we have no idea, because many women still don’t speak out about it. It is unacceptable and it has always been unacceptable and somehow millions of men are getting away with it every day. I know women get away with it too.

Men all over the world that agree that this has to stop forever, need to take a stance and when they witness or sense there is a perpetrator around women, we must confront them and tell them they have to stop. We must all be leaders in this and if we as men can not stand up for women and men of course, who are being abused then we really can not call ourselves men.

We must report it, regardless of how small the incident may be. Even the manner in which some men talk about women, maybe how they complain or sexualise women, we must tell them that it’s no longer acceptable. We may lose friends as a result, we may make some enemies, but we must stay firm in the belief that this is no longer acceptable.

I interviewed Madeleine Black for my podcast, ‘Share Your Story’ and I really struggled to interview her and found myself hesitating with questions I wanted to ask. Please feel free to listen to the episode.

Maybe us men that feel the same should start a new hashtag and start exposing the abusers and help them to feel differently about women and stop the abuse.

How about #weseeyou

Happy supporting!

Michael de Groot

Times Up Now

I am not qualified to write about this because I’m a man?

However I have witnessed throughout my previous 28 year employed career how men behaved around me towards women. How senior people wielded their seniority to take advantage of women and kept them in fear of losing their jobs.

I must admit that at times I feel ashamed to be a man when I see those stories of sexual harassment. Whether men think that they were different times or not, they believed (believe) it was (is) acceptable to behave in this way. I appreciate that men are sexually assaulted too.

To think that my brothers, that’s what we’re supposed to call each other, carried out these crimes towards women really doesn’t make me proud of them, not in the slightest.

In my employed career I saw how senior more mature managers sexually harassed and assaulted young women during the annual Christmas party. In those days it was laughed at and people shrugged their shoulders. But every year we knew the same thing would happen and many wondered who would be his victim this year. As far as I know the person never got reprimanded and I was far too junior to say anything. And yes I do regret not saying anything, but I could have lost my job and I had a mortgage to pay. This made me a victim too!

In addition we know that men carry out abuse towards 1 in 3 women, which makes me feel sick. This means I know many women who are living in silence and fear or have left their partners trying to repair the broken pieces of their lives. It also means I know many men, but they remain unknown to me, who are the abusers who carried out these crimes. I worry sometimes about the men that I might call my friends.

There are still whole countries, religions and regimes who treat women in a subservient manner and this means that the world will continue to carry out crimes towards women and nobody is doing anything, all governments are guilty.

I am proud of the women who are standing up against this and are saying that #timesupnow.

Michael de Groot