Accusing people of things can get you into all sorts of trouble. I’ve done it many times and I’m sure you have too.
For starters we do not have any understanding of people’s back story do we? I will mention just one example that happened to me recently and I have many more.
I received a connection request on LinkedIn from someone I don’t know. A week later I received an email suggesting that I’ve been added to his list. I challenged it and gave him all my ‘ego’ reasons why he shouldn’t be doing this. He came back and told me a story that said that his material probably saved 3 people from committing suicide. Gulp!
I didn’t know this back story but he also didn’t use his story in his initial email. Had he used it, I probably would have just unsubscribed and not said anything else further.
Tony Robbins was recently accused of something he did with a participant at one of his UPW events. I didn’t join the abuse online that followed it although I did believe he had made an error in judgement. Now, I’ve attended many of Tony’s events and I know he has the highest regard for his participants. Why did he misjudge the situation, why did he make such a misjudgement or was he just misunderstood?
You can read his apology here on Facebook.
We’ll probably never know but one thing’s for sure we are all still learning and growing even well into retirement and beyond.
Reacting and accusing people we do or do not know is something called System 1 thinking. System 2 is waiting, holding back and assessing the situation, examine the thoughts that are coming up for you and reflecting on the situation before jumping in with our ego and accusing someone of something that probably isn’t even true. Better to ask a question to learn more about their motives.
So my question in the future when receiving unsolicited emails from strangers who have added me to a mailing list will potentially be; ‘Thanks, I was wondering was there any particular purpose you were thinking of when you added me to your mailing list? It would really help me to decided whether to unsubscribe or not.’ Thanks for your help.
Happy unsubscribing!