This question comes up regularly for me and when I received the following message twice in two different social media inboxes, I am convinced they probably are.
Hi. I feel honoured and humble that I have been nominated for ‘the Most Inspirational Person of the Year Award’. The winner is selected by the public and the public vote is now open until 20th July. I would be grateful if you could please vote for me.
Please click the link and it will take you to the voting page then select, ‘the Most Inspirational Person of the Year Award’ and vote for me. Please ask your friends, family and contacts to vote for me too. Thank you for your support.
I was especially astounded with the last sentence.
Ask friends, family and contacts!
What?
Not only are you asking me to vote for you, when I have totally no idea if you are in fact ‘The most inspirational person of the year’ and then you ask me to get my friends, family and contacts to vote for you too?
You really can not be serious, can you?
Totally serious, this is how business awards get awarded. Get yourself nominated and then go after your connections and beg them to vote for you.
I will never believe another business award again. In fact I’ve never believed them or taken part for this very reason. In fact I know of organisations that will even ask you to fill out a questionnaire to nominate yourself. Nominate yourself and then collect votes.
So I have concluded that business awards fulfil two needs, number one, the organising event or organisation needs more publicity for themselves and number two the actual individual needs more publicity for themselves. Basically they both need more recognition and appreciation from the public. In a word they need more love.
By getting complete strangers to vote for you, it actually is no different from wishing that people clap, like, comment or heart your content.
As humans we will never self-actualise on the basis that we’re always looking for something outside of ourselves.
My wish for the awards business is to start awarding teams, not individuals, not for the good they do in society or our communities but for the good they do for themselves. Teams that have successfully reinvented themselves despite the hardships they’ve had to endure in years gone by. Real hardships not some made up award category like ‘The most inspirational person of the year!’.
Just be ‘The most inspirational person of the year to yourself’ and avoid needing other people’s endorsement to say so.
The only work we ever need to do on this planet is the work on ourselves. However most of us find it easier to focus on others and see what’s wrong with them. We judge them, we get angry with them, we’re jealous of them and sometimes we just want to be like them. We don’t always see the best in others do we?
What if, what you see in others, you realised those traits were merely a reflection of you? Your own failings expressed in others, of course you won’t like what you see. It’s tough to see yourself in others. Might it be that you’re not perfect either? That you have some failings too? Some stuff you need to work on, get better at, be more forgiving of yourself and others, develop better habits, have more compassion?
This is tougher then we realise. Yes we need to start from a place that says we’re not broken and if we start from that place then the others aren’t broken either. If you can start from that place everything else becomes just easier. Because if you stop spending time focussing on others and just on yourself, what else can you learn about you, about your habits, your decisions, your micro-decisions, your thoughts and your addictions?
If we could just work on ourselves and become the best we can be for ourselves, not for anyone else, just for ourselves then we could actually become a more compassionate individual seeing the best in everyone around us, including some of the worst people walking the planet. We all have a dark side, it may not have been expressed in hideous crimes or actions but it will have been expressed in some way towards someone, maybe even someone you love.
Time to go within, time to spend time looking in the mirror before looking at others.
In recent years, an increasing number of scholars have sought to study and measure the impact of social networks (social media).
The world has been surrounded by Social Media
A 2010 study by the University of Maryland suggested that social networks may be addictive, and that using social networks may lead to a “fear of missing out”, also known by the acronym “FOMO” by many students.
It has been observed that Facebook is now the primary method for communication by college students in the U.S.
According to Nielsen, global consumers spend more than six hours on social networking sites.
Consumers continue to spend more time on social networks than on any other category of sites — roughly 20% of their total time online via personal computer (PC), and 30% of total time online via mobile.
Tim Berners-Lee contends that the danger of social networking sites is that most are silos and do not allow users to port data from one site to another. He also cautions against social networks that grow too big and become a monopoly as this tends to limit innovation.
According to several clinics in the UK, social media addiction is a certifiable medical condition. One psychiatric consultant claims he treats as many as one hundred cases a year.
Introduction
Networks are not new; they have existed since the very first existence of cells on planet earth. It’s quite amazing to know that our cells work together in networks to achieve tasks together. One such example is wound healing. For wound healing to occur, white blood cells and cells that ingest bacteria move to the wound site to kill the microorganisms that cause infection. At the same time fibroblasts (connective tissue cells) move there to remodel damaged structures. This is a wonderful example of how cells behave together in networks.
Even our brain neurons wire together in associative networks to create our memories and skills. Cell division even mirrors the way that networks grow.
We humans are no exception in nature. We exist and flourish as part of networks. We seem to have some inborn instinct to behave in this way, actively involving ourselves in many different systems of connections.
We long for likes
The first network we experience in our lives is the immediate family, where we learn how to be social by watching our parents and siblings. Beyond that, we soon learn how to ‘network’ with other groups of adults and children. We then start our social journey by joining many different networks, the nursery, primary and secondary school, the college and university and then our work and leisure networks.
The size, membership and complexity of these networks may grow or contract during our lifetime, but they always remain an important part of our experience. There are several theories put forward to explain this networking phenomenon, from Social Comparison Theory,Role Theory,Homogeneous Theory and the Social Identity approach. The evidence seems to point to the conclusion that networking is in part driven by our genetic make-up.
Tribes
These networks have a major impact on our lives. They determine how we see the world and how we see ourselves; we constantly monitor how we are accepted in our various networks.
Perhaps another word for these networks could be ‘tribes’.
Belonging to a ‘tribe’, gives us the feeling that we are part of ‘something bigger’ then we are. It helps to give our lives more meaning and significance. The belief that you belong to a ’tribe’ is reinforcing, as it encourages you to relate more strongly with the other individuals in that ’tribe’. It helps with the identity that you have given yourself as you became an adult.
When your ’tribe’ behaves in the same way that you do, you will consider them the same as ’you’ and somehow feel a connection. It triggers an automatic approval, telling yourself that they are OK as they behave in a similar way to you.
The way that this translates in social networks is that individuals will follow people on twitter, send each other friends’ requests on Facebook or ask to be connected inside professional networks, like LinkedIn. We may have never met the person but for some reason we want to share intimate details of our lives with them.
We have become addicted
Never in the world have we seen this kind of behaviour before. It did not exist before social networks appeared on the worldwide web. You could not have imagined walking up to strangers, people you have never met and suddenly start sharing your personal life with them. It just didn’t happen. We as humans need to trust someone first before we will share personal details. In social networks personal details are being shared all the time without any apparent shyness or reservation.
And the only reason this happens is because we have connected at some level with this stranger in a social network where their behaviour mirrors our own. In social networks we behave for around 80% of the time exactly the same way as everybody else. Just the act of being in a social network together, posting updates, sharing content means you are doing the same as everyone else and that makes you part of that tribe.
Significance
Social networks give us a platform for significance. According to Anthony Robbins, significance is one of the 6 human needs as per his Human Needs Psychology model. We all have a need to be significant in our lives and when family and friends, like, comment or respond to our activity inside social networks, we feel good, we feel loved, we feel significant.
Dopamine is closely associated with reward-seeking behaviours, such as approach, consumption, and addiction. Recent research suggests that the firing of dopaminergic neurons is motivational as a consequence of reward-anticipation. This hypothesis is based on the evidence that, when a reward is greater than expected, the firing of certain dopaminergic neurons increases, which consequently increases desire or motivation towards the reward. This is why social networks are so addictive and why games inside social networks (e.g. Farmville) are so popular. Equally though, aggression is also evident in social networks and recent studies indicate that aggression may also stimulate the release of dopamine.
Why do humans enjoy social networks?
Humans are social beings, they thrive around other humans and other humans make them thrive. Without human interaction we have no reason to exist. Compassion and love is a ready built-in operating system, which we are born with. Without the love we experience on the day of our birth we would probably die. Throughout our lives we crave that love and connection with other humans. Especially as those humans are the same as us or expressed in another way, exist in the same tribe as us.
Anthony Robbins’ Human Need Psychology says that one of our 6 human needs is love and connection.
Physical social networks, whether it’s the family unit, our workplace unit or other tribal social networks, which we belong to for our sport, hobbies and political activities, all exist because there is some love and connection that takes place.
Virtual social networks via the web also exist for the same reason. The creators of these networks have been able to create certain activities to allow us to feel love and connection with a connection or a tribe that exists inside these networks. Whether it is ’liking’, ’commenting’, ’sharing’, ’re-tweeting’, ’favouriting’, ’re-posting’, the user feels good when this takes place or in other words they do feel loved. This is very addictive and when dopamine is released in the brain, we want to experience more of this feeling.
As human beings we also want to give out love and this is another one of the human needs and is called ’contribution’. And therefore in social networks we also like to contribute to our fellow human beings.
The way that this translates inside of virtual social networks is no different. For example by actively ’liking’, ’sharing’, ’commenting’, it makes us feel good and drives us to do more of it, whenever the recipient rewards us in some way for taking this selfless action. And guess what happens more dopamine is released and the more addictive it becomes.
and ’ding, ding, woof, woof’, every time our mobile device makes that familiar notification noise, we know that this could mean more dopamine and more love, so we’ll react instantly to the need of that possibility.
How social learning grows networks
In 1961 Albert Bandura conducted a controversial experiment known as the ‘Bobo-Doll ‘experiment, to study patterns of behaviour associated with aggression. Bandura hoped that the experiment would prove that aggression can be explained, at least in part, by social learning theory, and that similar behaviours were learned by individuals modelling their own behaviour after the actions of others. The experiment was criticised by some on ethical grounds, for training children towards aggression.
Bandura’s results from the Bobo Doll Experiment changed the course of modern psychology, and were widely credited for helping shift the focus in academic psychology from pure behaviourism to cognitive psychology. The experiment is among the most lauded and celebrated of psychological experiments.
Bobo Doll likeness
This study can be viewed as quite significant and why social networks grow so fast. When we see the activities of others in social networks, we start to wonder if we’re missing out on something and whether we need to start involving ourselves. When we then discover that our tribe, (whether family, work, hobby or other tribe), is doing the same, we will stay and investigate it further. And that is when we start enjoying shots of dopamine in our brain and when the addiction of this social network interaction starts working.
[embed]https://youtu.be/Pr0OTCVtHbU[/embed]
Conclusion
Social networks are here to stay, they’ve always existed and whether they are physical or virtual they are an important piece of our human make-up. My personal view too is that back in the times when humans went through war and terror they would draw closer to each other and grow closer socially. For example, during World War II, it was easier to connect with our fellow humans as we were all going through the same terror and strife. We would look out for one and other and support each other.
Basically we were giving each other a lot of love.
Twitter Love
As the human population has grown and spread across the globe, some of the physical connections may have been lost. Virtual social networks have allowed us to make that re-connection with each other and in fact get in touch with people who we may not have seen for many years.
Of course this makes us feel loved and appreciated too.
And now, because these virtual networks show us how many fans, followers, and friends we have, this is proof to the world and ourselves how popular we are. We take this metric as an important measure of how many people approve of us or rather love us, a kind of ‘love-o-meter’!
This article was originally published in 2013. I purposely have not updated the stats and I’m sure you’ll appreciate that the stats have just increased two-fold. My attempt was to wake people up. I failed…
Update September 2020
Over 7 years on and things haven’t really got any better, in fact they’ve gotten a lot worse. We’ve experienced Cambridge Analytica and their dirt tricks campaigns. The whole story (The Great Hack) can be seen on Netflix. (https://www.netflix.com/watch/80117542)
Many youngsters and adults alike are being affected, brainwashed and even nations, governments and its armies have reacted to fake news and propaganda being spread by bad actors trolling the social media airwaves.
And now Netflix have released their latest instalment The Social Dilemma, where Tristan Harris and others walks us through the unbelievable issues those creators have contributed to the world. It is quite ironic that Tristan and the others being interviewed were actually part of creating the problem and they are having to live with the legacy of death and destruction they have created for the world. I feel for them but have no pity, they have their millions in the bank, so they are okay.
Tristan now runs the Center for Humane Tech for a number of years, I’ve been following him ever since I saw his Ted Talk in 2017. I’ve embedded his Ted Talk below, “How a Handful of Tech Companies control Billions of Minds every day!”
The Center for Humane Tech presented their New Agenda for Tech, see video below.
[embed]https://youtu.be/09Jeyu4-Fcc[/embed]
One aspect of the Center for Humane Tech’s work I am particularly impressed with and that’s their ‘Ledge of Harms’.
After watching those two documentaries and these talks you should be well versed to make some decisions for you, your family and especially your kids.
